


The Only Thing (He) Want(s) This Year

by ybcpatrick



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Andy Brand Bitchout Fest™, Christmas, Christmas Shopping, M/M, Patrick's a forgetful idiot, READ MEG'S TOO WE MADE THEM MATCH!, andy is done, excessive swearing (which is odd for Christmas but whatever), married peterick, married trohley (in the background tho)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 04:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13022892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ybcpatrick/pseuds/ybcpatrick
Summary: "Well I'll be damned!""Shut up, Andy.""Patrick Martin Stumph, self professed night owl, awake before three pm! I feel like I'm seeing a unicorn, or a double rainbow."





	The Only Thing (He) Want(s) This Year

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bishopsknifepatrick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bishopsknifepatrick/gifts).



> READ MEG'S TOO!!!!!!!!!! HERE'S THE LINK WE MADE THESE FICS MATCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> MERRY CHRISTMAS ENJOY OUR GAY SHIT

"Well I'll be damned!"

" _Shut up_ , Andy."

"Patrick Martin Stumph, self professed night owl, awake before three pm!" Andy chortled to Patrick's chagrin, leaning against the door frame with a shit-eating grin. "I feel like I'm seeing a unicorn, or a double rainbow."

"I said shut up," Patrick whined. He looked up from tying his bootlaces in defeat, groaning at the smug look on Andy's face. The other man snorted, crossing his arms.

"It's seven o'clock in the morning, and you being up before sunset usually means something is wrong. Spill." Andy demanded. Patrick stared him down for a long moment, mouth pressed in a firm line to avoid saying a word. Andy returned the stoic expression, but at the simple quirk of his brow, Patrick groaned, finishing his bootlace and rising from the floor.

"Okay, fine, holy fuck," Patrick groused, smoothing his shirt nervously. "I was kiiiiiinda looking through my Christmas presents for everyone, and I n...." Patrick's voice dropped to an unintelligible mutter, and he turned his gaze to the hallway carpet. Andy squinted at him, tilting his ear to him dramatically.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"I forgot to get P....."

"What?"

" _I forgot to get anything for Pete!_ " Patrick exclaimed, exasperated. Andy's eyes shot to his hairline in shock.

"You did _what_?" Andy replied, incredulous, "Holy fuck, Rick, _you're married to him_!"

"I know!" Patrick cried, turning beet red. He put his face in his hands, letting out a drawn out groan. Andy grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly.

"How do you even manage that!?"

"I don't know! We were so busy writing and doing publicity shit, and-- and then we were touring-- do you know how hard it is to focus on Christmas when you're trying to cross the border into fucking Canada?" Patrick reasoned, voice getting higher with every word. Andy pinched the bridge of his nose, stifling a laugh.

"Canada is not a fucking excuse! You've been married for months, and you've been dating for YEARS! I went to Canada too, I still remembered to get something for Joe."

"Get off my dick! I know I'm a shitty husband!" Patrick bristled. "Look, I don't need the guilt trip. I'm goin' to the mall, but I'm leaving a note saying that I went grocery shopping. So cover my ass, Hurley, or I'll kill you myself."

"Oh, no fucking way!" Andy responded, matter-of-factly, "I'm not letting you go into a mall alone. You need me to go with you." Patrick scoffed, turning away from Andy to grab his jacket.

"I'm a grown ass man, I can handle a mall by myself." He grumbled, shoving his arms through the sleeves with more force than necessary. Andy stared at him, unconvinced.

"You've got the temper of a bull, the attention span of a goldfish, and it's two days before fucking Christmas. You need me to go with you in case you try to fight an old lady over cookingware."

Patrick gaped at him, speechless.

"I'll go write the note!" Andy piped, sudden and cheerful. He turned heel and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Patrick only to gawk at where he had just stood.

///////

"Do you even have any idea on what to get him?" Andy asked as they breezed into the massive foyer of the mall. Patrick sucked a breath in through his teeth, eyes darting around the sea of last minute shoppers with dread.

"Uh. No?" Patrick replied, smiling sheepishly. The aura of "holy fuck you're serious" he received to that from Andy was almost palpable.

"You are _literally_ married to him, and you we're dating _and_ friends for way longer. How don't you know?"

"I dunno!" Patrick defended, weakly, "It's early, leave me alone! I didn't even have any coffee!" Andy took a deep breath, as if readying himself, then grabbed Patrick by the sleeve, towing him through the crowd.

"We'll get some coffee, then we're gonna try looking around. Maybe you'll get some inspiration." He said resolutely. Patrick couldn't help but snort out a laugh as he was tugged along.

"Alright," Patrick resigned, "But I know this place is gonna be full of middle-aged, snippy people. If any of them try to fight me for a mixer or some shit, you'll have to hope you're strong enough to hold me back."

"I could bench press you, right here, right now."

"Touché."

///////

Three times.

Three times already people had nearly slammed into Patrick whilst they made their way carelessly through the mall, nearly making him spill his precious, precious coffee all over himself.

All three times, Andy laughed at him, dodging the crowds easily as he still tugged Patrick by the sleeve, dragging him through the mall. Eventually, Patrick just gave up, letting himself be yanked into a small novelty store.

The inside looked like an elf threw up on it, decked out in red, green and white ribbon all around. Between the copious amounts of bows, actual gifts were lining the shelves. A disinterested employee looked them up and down, reaching for her phone with stone cold emotion.

"Welcome to Love From Chicago, I hope your holiday season's been lovely so far," she droned, opening Snapchat, "Aren't you those dudes from Fall Out Boy?"

"Yeah, that'd be us," Andy said dismissively, focused more on staring around the store. She snapped a quick picture, typing out a caption and sending it before shoving her phone back in her pocket.

"Cool. Hope you know you're not getting a discount."

"That's cool, no problem, kid." Andy muttered, turning sharply to face Patrick. "Okay. What does he like?" Patrick blanked, staring through Andy moreso than at him.

"Uhhhhhh...gardening? I think?"

"Jesus Christ, you're absolutely fucking hopeless," Andy groaned, swiping his hands down his face. "Okay, we're gonna look around while you finish your bloody coffee, and then you're gonna give me the full list of what he's into. Got it?" Patrick blinked twice, then nodded with a fake salute.

"Yessir." He drawled sarcastically. Andy made a face at him, then chuckled, taking another sip of coffee and stepping into the first aisle.

///////

The cashier at Love From Chicago was less than impressed when Patrick and Andy only walked away with a new notepad and pen with the flag printed all over them. Clearly, she'd been expecting her best sale ever from them. _Poor girl_ , Patrick thought to himself as he stared over his messy scrawl one more time, trying to wrack his brain otherwise.

  * _Gardening  
_
  * _Tennis  
_
  * _Bass  
_
  * _Music  
_
  * _The Nightmare Before Christmas  
_
  * _80s movies  
_
  * _Soccer  
_
  * _Chicago Black Hawks + Bulls  
_
  * _Fashion_



"I think I got everything," Patrick mumbled, handing the list off to Andy, who'd been watching the people go by from where they sat on the fountain's edge. Andy read it over quickly, tapping his fingers pensively against his knee.

"Okay," he muttered, tutting to himself, "How's about we start with... that department store over there?" Patrick followed Andy's gaze towards a large, crowded store with tinsel shrouding the name for the most part. Inside, the patrons bustled about with carts full of anything one could imagine; toys, cookware, clothes, everything. Shrugging, Patrick hoisted himself off the fountain edge.

"Worth a shot." He told him simply. Andy flashed a toothy grin at him, standing up beside him.

"And even if we don't find anything in there, at least we can have fun looking around!" Andy added, cheerfully. Smiling softly, Patrick set off in the direction of the store, walking calmly and carefully avoiding other people. It took two seconds for Andy to decide that was too slow before he was seizing Patrick's hand again, hauling him off running.

///////

"What do you even start with for someone like Pete?" Patrick whined, peering down each aisle with increasing frustration. Andy sighed for the hundredth time that trip, pulling out Patrick's list once more.

"Well, why not try something for gardening?" Andy rambled, walking ahead of the other man absentmindedly with their cart. "You could get him a succulent or two, or like... well really I think he could only properly handle a cactus-like plant, so like a cactus... or a t--"

"Perfect." Patrick gasped, cutting Andy off.

"I wasn't done, thank you-- _HURK_ \--" Andy was silenced once again by Patrick grabbing the collar of his coat, choking him, but stopping him all the same. Andy sputtered, whirling around in Patrick's hold and batting at his arm. Patrick just ignored him, pointing down the aisle.

"Dude," Patrick said, "Look." Andy freed himself from the singer's hold, grumbling. Still, he did what he was told, following his finger to the shelves opposite them at the end. A single garden set, with trowels, rakes, gloves and more, sat on the shelf as if it were waiting for them. Patrick took a dramatic step forwards, not breaking his gaze at the set.

"It's perfect," Patrick whispered, picking up speed. Andy spun the cart around, following close behind, and they practically ran to the other end of the aisle.

But they were too slow. Just as Patrick and Andy were about to reach the trowel set, a snooty-looking old lady grabbed it, tucking it under her arm and hurrying away. Patrick's steps screeched to a halt, his jaw dropping as he watched the woman go. Andy winced inwardly at the telltale tensing of Patrick's shoulders, signalling his fuse reaching the end the second it was lit. Scandalized, Patrick turned to face him with an appalled expression. He gritted his teeth, fists balling at his sides.

"I'm gonna fight an old lady." Patrick growled, eyes slipping closed. Andy stared him down, crossing his arms.

"No, you're not." He replied, voice laced with more warning than disbelief.

"No no, I am totally fucking gonna fight an old lady. That garden set was mine, dammit."

"You never even touched it," Andy reasoned, thoroughly unimpressed. Patrick narrowed his eyes, peering off in the direction the lady took off in.

"Doesn't matter, it was mine." A brief look of thought crossed Patrick's face, then he set his brow, squaring his shoulders and taking a menacing step forwards. "And I'm gonna go get it." Thinking quickly, Andy grabbed him around the waist, bear hugging him and lifting him with ease.

"Put me down!" He demanded, wriggling in Andy's grasp. Andy obliged rather unceremoniously, dumping Patrick directly in front of their abandoned, still-painfully-empty cart.

"Patrick," Andy addressed him coolly.  
  
"What?"

"You're being a fuckhead. Get in the cart." Andy ordered. Patrick's eyes blew wide, taken aback.

"You're not my mom, what the hell, Hurley?" Patrick sputtered. Andy's face remained stone cold, and he pointed emphatically at the cart.

"Cart." He repeated, voice dangerously low.

Patrick gulped.

///////

"I look like a fucking idiot," Patrick groused a half hour later, striking _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ off their ever-shortening list. Andy snorted, shoving him along each aisle in the cart.

"Yeah, well you deserve it." Andy responded in a sing-song voice. He paused briefly, looking over into the tech department and smirking to himself. He leaned over the cart handle, hovering just above Patrick's head. "Would a candy cane make you feel better?" Andy asked, taking on a joking lisp, "There's a basket over there full of free ones." Patrick looked up at him darkly, unamused. But, a beat passed, and Patrick sunk lower into the cart, petulantly.

"Yes." He muttered, reluctantly. Smiling, Andy parked the cart off to one side, jogging away to get one of the candy canes. Patrick stared up at the ceiling, crossing his arms while he waited. Briefly, he flicked his gaze off to the right, and for a split second, thought he saw a very familiar undercut duck in behind a shelf. But seconds after, Andy came back, dropping a candy cane onto his chest, and Patrick forgot.

"Hey, what about a record player? Didn't Pete buy those new vinyls a few weeks ago?" Andy asked, pointing ahead at the in front of an aisle lined with music-related items. Patrick hummed, more focused on his candy cane than anything else. Andy rolled his eyes, peeking further down the aisle, and then his heart stopped.

_Joe and Pete were at the other end._

Joe made eye contact with him, horror contorting his features.

Pete didn't notice jack shit, staring at the record players in front of him like they held the key to the universe.

"On second thought!" Andy piped suddenly, giving Patrick and the cart a hearty shove, "You guys already have three, I think. We'll find something else!" Patrick screamed as he was sent rolling, and he tried to clamour out to no avail. Andy turned sharply back to Joe, jabbing a finger at him. Joe put his hands up in defense, and Andy quickly pantomimed a shushing finger and a slicing motion across his neck, swiftly instilling the fear of God in his husband. Joe's eyes were wide, and he nodded. As an afterthought, Joe blew a kiss at Andy, smiling nervously. Andy just gave him the finger and ran after the singer in the shopping cart, who was about to run into a rack full of various jackets.

By the time Andy finally caught up with Patrick, he had skidded to a stop and had a face full of denim. He didn't seem as bothered as Andy had expected though, as he looked each one over pensively. Andy could see the cogs turning in his head.

"I think I have an idea." Patrick stated, peering over his shoulder at the drummer.

"Oh?" Andy replied, smiling expectantly and earning a nod.

"And this one might actually work." Patrick said, grinning widely at him. Carefully, he reached up and unhooked a denim jacket, letting it fall down into his lap. "But, we're gonna have to make one more stop before we go back to the house."

"And where would that be?"

"Hot Topic."

 

///////

They all gathered in the living room, like their own little family. Everything felt peaceful and relaxing, with the colourful lights glowing brightly where they were wrapped around the tree in the corner. Little homemade shitty stockings hung across the fireplace on a little string, each having one of their names stitched onto its front. The boys were all sitting on the couches and chair in the living room, in their pyjamas.

“So, how about we have Pete and Patrick go first? What did you guys get each other?” Andy smirked.

Pete reached over to a red paper bag with white snowflakes decorating it's outside, tissue paper delicately arranged sticking out of the top of it.

“It looks so pretty,” Patrick said, admiring the bag.

“I know right! If I had done it, it would not have looked this nice,” Pete said, joining in with the excitement of the paper bag.

“JUST OPEN THE PRESENT!” Joe yelled, making a megaphone shape over his mouth.

“Harsh, but okay,” Patrick said, picking up the paper dramatically and throwing it over the back of the couch. He picked up the object covered in multiple layers of tissue paper. “Ooh what’s this?” He threw the rest of the paper in front of him, holding up a little glass figurine, holding a little purple heart in its arms.

Patrick’s face softened, a smile arising, “This is so cute.”

“Read what it says,” Pete urged.

He put the bear closer to his face, reading the line on the little heart. “‘I love you beary much’,” Patrick giggled. “That’s so cheesy and you know it, you motherfucker.”

“And the little blurb on the bottom.”

“‘I will shield you from the waves, if they find you, I will protect you’, god, fuck, I hate you and love you,” Patrick said, trying to be mad at the cheesiness of the gift, but he loved it too much already.

“Patrick’s turn!” Andy yelled, because despite the cuteness of the moment, the grossness was too overwhelming.

Patrick reached down beside him, grabbing a fair sized silver box with a white ribbon tying it shut. He handed it to Pete who sat it down on his lap. He pulled the ribbon, to which it fell. He lifted up the lid, an immediate smile on his face.

The box contained a denim jacket, neatly folded. He picked it up by the shoulders of the jacket. He noticed all the patches sewed onto denim. They were logos for several bands including Metallica, The Get Up Kids, and Green Day. He even noticed the little volcano logo for their own band on the edge of the sleeve on the wrist. He beamed at it, holding it up with one hand and swiping the other across the front of the jacket and logos. “I love it!” He immediately threw it over his shoulders, putting on the jacket.

“Great, he’s never going to take it off now,” Joe muttered.

“Y’know? He’s not wrong,” Pete said, turning towards Patrick. He leaned in to give him a kiss, Patrick reciprocating. Joe shielded Andy’s eyes with one hand and his own with the other.

“Thank you, Patrick.” Pete murmured, sweetly.

“And thanks, Pete,” Patrick said back, immediately regretting it, and Pete burst into laughter, laying back on the couch. Andy and Joe looked over at the two, before looking back at each other, acknowledging that they were complete idiots, who were so easily impressed with one another.

Patrick sat there looking embarrassed, but still wanting to laugh himself.

 


End file.
